Doubting Yourself

by **Corinne Girard** Sat Jan 07, 2012 7:41 pm

Corinne sat in one of the black armchairs by the fireplace in the Slytherin common room, watching as the orange flames licked at the logs and the shadows they made on the walls danced across said walls. She sat wearing her Slytherin uniform, shoes on the floor by the armchair whilst her arms encircled her knees and brought them to her chest.
Corinne was befuddled to say the least.
Ever since Corinne was a child, her mother and father had always told her to stand tall and proud, walk like the Queen that you are, stare down at your inferiors, e.t.c. Maman had always taught her that beauty was what was on the outside not the inside. Do not make friends, make enemies. Friends will hurt you, and it will wound you far more than if an enemy hurts you. She had been taught that muggle's were pathetic little wimps that the Wizarding World hid from so that the pathetic muggle's did not grovel at their feet for their oh so wise magical skills.
Mudbloods had always been just that- mudbloods, people who had stolen magic off of the Squibs, but Corinne was realising that this tale was false. All of that was false, was it? Corinne had never thought that one week could change her entire views on life. She still thought that she was royalty, but now not so much, and she doubted now that muggles were as bad as we thought. Why else would her fellow Slytherin, Pxyis, befriend them?
"Oh lá lá lá lá," Corinne gripped her head in her hands and pulled at the hair there, as it was held back by a loose ponytail. She let her hair free and it tumbled down her chest. She looked back at the fire and wondered how she had turned into this monster. For 11 years, she'd been a horrible person, and she wasn't about to suddenly change her entire being, but perhaps it was time to let go of her prejudice towards muggles and muggle-borns.
"Zut," she hissed, as she realised... she was doubting herself and everything she stood for.

by **Tess McCartney** Sat Jan 07, 2012 7:54 pm

She had had a great time after interacting with Alice, and her smile immediately dissipated seeing Corinne in the common room. She had always felt nervous about aggression, especially when it was in ideas that you were taught. She had never met a witch such as Corinne, and her nervous nature took the better of her.

She walked down the stairs tentatively, as if Corinne would spring towards her, but when she didn't she noticed she wasn't so...so gun-ho about it. But she looked rather sad. She tilted her head and murmured.

"Corinne?"

by **Corinne Girard** Sun Jan 08, 2012 12:40 am

Corinne was so deep in her worrisome and depressing thoughts that she failed to hear the distinct sound of the girls dormitory door opening and closing, followed by the footsteps. She wouldn't've noticed Tess at all if the girl hadn't interrupted her thoughts.
"Corinne?" Tess inquired, causing Corinne's head to snap up and meet the gaze of the kind- spirited girl. Corinne could feel the sadness and lost she felt on the inside on her facial features, before realising she'd let this girl see her weak. The mask was instantly back on her face and her walls came back up around her, refusing to let anyone in. She couldn't, however, draw her knees away from her chest, so she left them there.
"What?" Corinne said, though her voice lacked its usual disdain and malice. Pull yourself together, a voice sounded in Corinne's head that sounded just like her mother's stern tone that was full of threat. Sit up straight, cross your legs and act natural. Do not let people see you like this, the voice sounded again, and Corinne was positive it was her mother inside of her head, and the voice that had always been filled with hate when talking to her and love when talking to Salina made her walls crumble and her eyes welled up with tears. She clutched her arms tighter around her legs and let all of her emotions show clearly on her face.
Hurt, sadness, confusion, betrayal and self-hatred. She tasted the salty tear on her lips before she even realised that she was crying.

by **Tess McCartney** Sun Jan 08, 2012 7:08 am

She felt as if she was going to be mutilated. Corinne she felt was more of a Slytherin than she was. Then what are you a Hufflepuff?! she thought angrily. Nonetheless she noticed that the moment that the girl seemed vulnerable, and it was shown all the more once she saw her wall being built up once more.

She took a deep breath and found whatever type of courage she had and walked towards the girl. This is your common room too, remember that, don't look like a scared mouse. Merlin don't twiddle your fingers! she thought.

"Are you alright?" she asked.

She felt that it was a stupid question to ask, but as soon as the tears began to fall from the girl, her mask fell as well and leaned down to place a hand on her shoulder.

"Don't cry" she whispered.

by Guest Sun Jan 08, 2012 12:27 pm

Tabi was on her way out of the common room she hadn't decided whether she was going to take a stroll around the lake or just hide herself away in a little niche in the library as she descended the stairs she noticed that Corrine was sitting in one of the black leather chairs and it looked like she had been crying. She also noticed that Tess was standing over her, if it wouldn't have been for Tess asking her not to cry she would have thought maybe Tess had said something wrong.

"Hay Tess, Corrine whats going on?? Is everything ok??" Tabi went over and knelt on the floor in front of Corrine. Corrine had looked like such a strong girl when she left the room, what could have possible caused this breakdown.

by **Corinne Girard** Sun Jan 08, 2012 2:27 pm

Through watery eyes she saw Tess slowly advance on her and ask the question that none had ever asked her before. "Are you alright?" She asked, and Corinne hung her head shamefully. She was meant to be strong and cold, like a rock. Sit tall and proud, tall and proud, tall and proud, the words echoed through her head. "No," she whispered, but it was so soft she doubted that Tess heard it.
Instead, more tears began to fall, and Tess' hand was placed on her shoulder. This simple gesture was one of comfort, but Corinne had never broken before, so she was not sure what to do here. Did she tell Tess? No! Her mother's voice in her head screamed. Foolish girl, you must never let someone into your inner thoughts. If you must break, do it in private! You are weak! The voice was full of the shame that she knew her mother would feel if she'd seen her right now.
"Don't cry." Tess whispered, and Corinne sniffled, wiping her eyes dry.
"Do not," Corinne whispered back, her whisper loud enough for Tess to hear. "Tell anyone of this." She then dropped her head back down to her knees, before hearing Tabi's voice. "Hay Tess, Corrine whats going on?? Is everything ok??" Tabi asked. Corinne raised her head, knowing that she looked pathetic, and so she let her knees drop back down and sat up straight, her features hardening as she willed the tears to stop, though the tear stains on her cheeks would stay until she washed up. "Everything is fine," Corinne croaked, and she felt like a pathetic loser. She had no one to talk too, no friends, no family that would listen. Salina would just laugh scornfully at her, Maman would be ashamed, her father would also be ashamed, Laurence was too young to be able to help and Jaqui would be understanding, but the thought of telling Jaqui of her troubles was too horrifying.
Corinne dropped her eyes down to her lap, and cleared her throat, wishing more than anything to have someone to talk too.
It was then the full impact of her cold, heartless ways hit her.

She had no one.

by **Tess McCartney** Sun Jan 08, 2012 2:36 pm

She was wide eyed as she heard Corinne talk, even when she looked heartbroken she was still intimating. She still nodded and her eyes softened so much as to even wipe the tear stain from her friend. She bent down and sat on the floor, looking up at her with soft eyes, she couldn't help it, it was probably the Hufflepuff in her. Nonetheless she patted the girl's hand and began to talk.

"Do you want to talk?" she cooed in a whisper.

She knew how to make people feel better, her mother would do the same to her when she would be crying, usually it would be in Spanish, but the effect was still the same. What if the girl missed home? What if she was hurt?! She needed to help her, she hoped it wasn't anything that she said.

"You can talk to me about anything" she added.

by Guest Sun Jan 08, 2012 2:43 pm

Tabi could not believe her eyes tat Corrine said everything was ok.

"Well Corrine everything does not look ok, I am sure between Tess and I we would love to listen to what is wrong. We are not as heartless as we seem. I know I would love to listen and help you if I can" We're just Slytherin's thought Tabi, but we stick together to be there for each other.

"The one thing my father has taught me is the Slytherins stick together threw everything so what every it is we can fix it."

by **Corinne Girard** Sun Jan 08, 2012 2:54 pm

Corinne looked between the two girls and wondered how they could be so... kind. Especially to her, she was so heartless and prejudiced - but she could not change her ways. Her Maman would despise her, and her Papa might disown her. And imagine her sœur's disappointment, she could see Salina's face now.
"Eet ees alright, I am fine," Corinne murmured, a weak smile playing with the corner of her lips that she directed towards them both. Corinne opened her mouth to apologize, but shut it again quickly. Girard's do not apologize, it is most disgracing. "Thank you, for... caring. Eet is most kind of you, and very appreciated," Corinne said stiffly. She was not used to being nice, but it did make her feel a little better about herself. Her walls came back up, and so she cast her eyes back to the fire, clearly dismissing the two.

by **Tess McCartney** Sun Jan 08, 2012 3:11 pm

She knew when she wasn't wanted, and still she sat there not really moving an inch. The girl was avoiding eye contact, and she knew perfectly why. Slytherins are tough and in this house if you weren't strong you were eaten alive here, but she wasn't like that.

She did feel that Tabi did not approach the whole problem correctly, being too forceful in wanting to help could in fact push her away, which is what occurred as she saw that Corinne had indeed shut down. She did appreciate the words, but she needed to say something.

"Pardon, mais mon francais se n'a pas bonne, mais je voudrais dit que je pense que vous est une forte fille et se bonne pleurer parce que vous etez humaine."

She winced at her accent, but her mother had taught her enough. Her mother is a French descent and she understood that magical customs were different everywhere and the French were prideful.

"But I'll leave you be.." she said softer.

She sat up and walked towards the opposite chair and sat down not letting this go.

by **Corinne Girard** Sun Jan 08, 2012 3:19 pm

Corinne felt the ghost of a smile on her face at the girls French, for it was a struggle to constantly speak English when she wished to gossip to no ends in her own language. Tess then turned and sat in another armchair, but Corinne could see the determination on the girls face, and she knew that she wouldn't let it go.
Well, Corinne wasn't going to go down with a fight, and so feeling much stronger, she stood up and walked over, towering over the girl with an intimidating, yet teasing look.
"Votre français est correct, mais vous pouvez travailler sur la prononciation," said Corinne, slowly and carefully, before with a sly wink she turned on her heel and strutted out of the common room, feeling much better than before- thanks to Tess.

by **Tess McCartney** Sun Jan 08, 2012 3:32 pm

She was wide-eyed that she was walking towards her, but she didn't scurry, nor dodge her, rather she sat there. To be honest with herself she wouldn't have been able to move, she was stuck there from nervousness.

Her comment was surprising.

"Your French is correct, but you could work on the pronunciation" she heard her say.

She let out a small smile in triumph because from her tone she wasn't intimating, rather she was being...dare she say it? Kind. She saw her wink and her smile widened seeing that the girl was back to herself.

Okay, so she wasn't so bad....if you overlooked her pompous attitude, but behind it all there was a girl who had pressure and she felt for her.

"I'm such a Hufflepuff" she whispered and rolled her eyes.

Seeing Corinne walk out...perhaps not as much as she thought.

by Guest Sun Jan 08, 2012 5:00 pm

Tabi had a feeling she had over stepped her bounds and she was just trying to help. She knew a cold shoulder when she got one and them speaking in french like she didn't have a clue. So Tabi just pulled her dignity together and with a simple.

"Si je vous ai offensé me pardonne s'il vous plaît" as Tabi turned and walked out the door.

by **Tess McCartney** Sun Jan 08, 2012 5:44 pm

She blinked seeing Tabi walked out the door. It was funny, while she had heard her voice, her mind had not wrapped itself around her trying to comfort Corinne as well. She now felt bad for she had done, what she felt they had done to her.

"I guess I said something wrong" she murmured softly.

Seeing them leave completely, she let out the groan she was holding in. Why were girls so complicated?! Honestly she was not looking forward towards puberty with a bunch of girls around her, the mood swings, the offenses...oh Merlin.

"Merlin" she let out breathless. "No good deed goes unpunished"

And with that, she picked up her book and began to read, her thoughts gone about the whole ordeal, at least she attempted to, and she looked a the fireplace, trying to warm herself up.